Monthly Archives: May 2011

Appropriate Boundaries

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We all have different boundaries and react differently when those boundaries are crossed.

Some people lack a verbal filter, others lack the physical one.  As my friends all know I prefer not to be touched.  Have never been a hand shaker (unless I absolutely have too) and not very big on hugging either (which in itself has a specific set of rules)

Hugging Rules (according to me)

1.  Hugging direct family members such as spouses, children, grandparents and some Aunts & Uncles is perfectly acceptable.

2.  Hugging family that you have not seen in a long amount of time as a greeting is acceptable.

3.  Hugging family that you will not see in a long amount of time as a goodbye is acceptable.

4. Friends are the family we chose for ourselves, in certain circumstances and depending on the friendship itself it is acceptable to hug. 

5.  If you can clearly see that one of your family members or friends is in need of a hug and if you asked prior to hugging (I always say “looks like you need a hug, is it okay?”…that way I am warning them and preparing myself) it is acceptable.

6.  In some circumstances if you make a new friend, the person is from a different country or you feel like you have developed a bond of some sort with the individual a hug may be warranted.

Okay…this blog is about boundaries, not just my rules on hugging 🙂

It seems that many people now days have completely lost all sense of boundaries, especially on social networks such as facebook, twitter, etc. 

 I recently had one of my friends send me a message in regards to another one of my friends that they did not know.  I will refer to the male as Jack and the female as Jill.  Jack commented to me about liking Jill’s picture and asked if she was single.  I was very blunt in telling Jack that Jill is very happily married, plus I pointed out how many years Jill has been married.  Unfortunately Jack chose not to pay any attention to my response and sent Jill a very inappropriate message letting her know that he knows that she is married, but that he “gets lost in her picture” and wants to get to know her and be her friend (Jack sent this message during the night).  I received a panicked call from Jill letting me know about the situation the following morning.  My reaction was to apologize to Jill for Jack’s actions and send Jack a very abrupt message letting him know that his interaction with her was not appropriate.   I am hoping that my doing so will bring a halt to the situation, but I did inform Jack that if it does not he will be reported to the social networking site, plus will lose my online friendship.  I have known Jack for almost 20 years as a family friend, but also know that sometimes people just don’t get it, so I had to go BIG in my letting Jack know he crossed a line.  Of course in real life I would continue to have Jack as a friend, but in the virtual world (if he continues to contact Jill) we would have to end the friendship.

What would you do in this situation?  Do you think that Jack went too far contacting Jill and making statements that scared her and made her uncomfortable?  How do you tactfully let a friend know that they are in the wrong and how do your friends tactfully let you know when you are in the wrong?  Has social media desensitized people to basic boundaries?

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Fresh Salsa…

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Helpful Hints

If you do not want to “roll” your lime you can microwave it for about 15 seconds or place it in a bowl of warm water for a few minutes and that will also help the juice release easier.

If you like a hotter salsa add a touch of cayenne pepper or crushed red pepper…I leave the amounts up to your taste buds.

If you aren’t as big of a fan of onion as our family is you can use less…use half of a medium onion rather than a large, you will still get the great flavor and nutrition, just less of the onion breath 🙂

We prefer sea salt, but regular salt works just fine.

As you see I used store-bought minced garlic, but you can also mince your own fresh garlic…couple nice sized cloves would be perfect.

Remember that your fresh salsa will not last as long as the preservative-packed salsa you purchase in jars from the store…so please enjoy while still fresh.

Love of Ages?

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Earlier today I received a friend request from a friend that I had not heard from, nor have I seen, for close to 16 years, I gladly accepted the request.  This person is someone who became my friend because of his being friends with one of my family members…and in a way he got to watch me grow-up.  We did a couple of little wall chat comments and a small amount of catching up and then to my surprise I received a chat message from him…which made catching up much easier. 
 
A lot happens in 16 years and the first basic questions came down to:  Are you happy where you are?  Are you happy in the place you are in your life?  Of course I am!  Yes, there are a few tiny things that we would all like to change about our lives, but overall, I have a great life.  There are the little everyday challenges, but I would like to believe that most of us would not change that for the world and that in the long run we are pleased with our lives and living situations.  Though I am not a particularly religious person I do have to say that I feel very blessed in my life. 
 
He then asked me a question that I was not expecting, but that I thought was a wonderful inquiry:
 
“Tell me is Love different with Age?”
 
I thought about this question for about a minute prior to answering and my response was:
 
“Is love different with age? Maturity is different with age which in part makes the way that you are able to love different.”
 
As we age we learn, grow, change, and adapt…which leads us to view the world around us differently.  We learn how to empathize with others and their experiences.  We learn not to make big deals out of small things.  We learn how to give and receive love.
 
Love has many different facets.  The love between a mother and a child.  The love between siblings.  The love between spouses.  The love between humans and their pets.  The love of friends and friendships.  Love for strangers and community.  Love is a wonderfully scary thing! 
 
Love is a hard thing to define, actually a close to impossible thing to define because it depends on each individual and their ideal of love.  I had a friend ask me what I thought love was a while back and my answer was:  “Love is finding that one person who can deal with your special kind of crazy and that you can deal with theirs.”
 
How do you describe love? 
How do you show and share your love? 
Has your love changed through the years? 
Has your ability to love changed as you have aged? 
Has the quality of your love changed with age?
 
Showing that you care shows that you also love.  How do you pay your love forward?

Red rose a symbol of love.